Coming of Age in the Middle Years

Thousands of books have been written about becoming an adult.  So many so, that there is a genre for these books – “Coming of Age” novels.  They usually have to do with  anxious teen years and first loves, rebellion and realization.  They’ve been made into movies too, we know them all, and in fact John Hughes made a very successful career telling this story over and over again on the big screen. 

There are several “coming of age” times in a person’s life in addition to that one so talked about in novels.  You can name them: first job, marriage, birth of first child, retirement etc.  One of the more subtle ones I’m finding out about takes place in middle age when you’re facing 50 and trying to figure out what you want to be when you grow up. 

Recently, I read two novels on this subject.  I didn’t plan to read them together, but it just worked out this way.  One from a woman’s perspective and another from a man’s.   

Contents May Have Shifted

By Pam Houston

Pam Houston is one of my favorite quiet authors.  She has written extensively for magazines and has penned a few wonderful novels that I have loved.  She lives the life I think of in fantasy terms: a beautiful ranch in Colorado, a life traveling the world and teaching at writing programs.  She’s in her late forties and I find her writing poignant and her perspective timely. 

This book chronicles a mostly autobiographical character through her midlife transition from dating to monogamy, from nomadic life to a grounded one.  It’s a series of vignettes from her (or the character’s) life as she works through this time while traveling all over the world, experiencing heartache and love and healing her soul on her way to a new way of living.

While I enjoyed the book, its not my favorite of Houston’s.  Her short story collection Cowboys Are My Weakness and her book about her dogs, Sight Hound are much better.  This one was entertaining in her stories of far off lands and adventures, but the psychological journey she took is not so well told.  In the end, she does reach a sort of peace with herself but the reader is left to wonder about whether it’s temporary or not.  Maybe that’s the real truth here…that we never know. 

The Book of Joe
By Jonathon Tropper

Now for the male perspective.  Jonathon Tropper’s book is about a guy, raised in small town Connecticut that writes a tell-all, scathing book about a terrible incident that took place his senior year in high school.  Joe, is summoned back to the town to say goodbye to his distant father as he lays in the hospital and is confronted by the angry townspeople who haven’t forgiven him for his literary portrayal.  He reunites with old friends and family, puts the incident that so shaped his young life to bed, and learns how to redefine his life as he moves forward.

Jonathon Tropper has won my literary heart.  His plot is interesting and well crafted.  His prose is snarky and real and his characters ring so true.  While Joe is younger (late 30’s) he has done a lot of living for his age and is realizing that his life as a self proclaimed asshole is not a fulfilling one. I think an important lesson for many men in midlife.  Tropper confronts a lot of issues in the book and brings them to a real and unexpected conclusion.  The book flies from cover to cover and makes a great vacation read.  

Reading John Irving

In One Person
By John Irving

I have loved John Irving’s books since I was in college.  It started with Hotel New Hampshire and with one exception; I’ve read all the fiction he has written in the past 30 years.  It is a happy day in our house when I find out that Irving has written something new, given us another gift of a great novel to enjoy.  His books are always wonderful and weird and thought provoking, regardless of the subject matter.  Quite simply, in my opinion, John Irving is a master American storyteller. 

When you read Irving’s books, you can bet that there’s characters that live on the edge of mainstream, you know that there will be bears in some form, wrestling will play a part in the book, and that no matter what bizarre things happen, you will end up taking them in stride like they happen to people you know every day, and who knows, maybe they do.

I just finished Irving’s newest novel, In One Person.  Like all his others, I loved it and was sad to see it finish.  In One Person follows Billy, a young preteen who finds himself attracted to his stepfather and the town librarian at the same time.  As Bill grows up his “inappropriate crushes” help he and his family realize that he is bisexual.  We watch Bill graduate college, become a writer, have relationships with both women and men, and survive the AIDS epidemic.  Through it all, his stalwart friend Elaine provides him the support and friendship he needs to figure out how not to be lonely as he lives his life in between.

One of Irving’s gifts is his ability to get the reader to sympathize with characters that might otherwise not be sympathetic.  We end up loving Bill’s cross dressing grandfather and the transgender librarian that Bill falls for.  Irving has always tackled controversial subjects, from abortion in Cider House Rules, to God’s plan for people in A Prayer for Owen Meany (on my top 5 list of all time).  Irving says that he felt compelled to write this book because of the controversy around the legalization of gay marriage.  It is a novel about tolerance in the grandest sense of the word – tolerance of all people, regardless of their sexual orientation.  And a beautiful one it is.  Billy’s story is one that explores tolerance across generations, cultures and even among groups in the LBGT community.  I find the subject matter very timely. 

Irving has a true gift in writing stories about families, even the most seemingly dysfunctional.  Bill’s family culture is based on secrets and closed doors while he spends most of his life trying to find out the answers and expose the lies.  Meanwhile there are some very endearing members to the family that truly love him and help him become the man he does. 

If you’ve never tried a John Irving novel, you really should.  His books are funny and wry, irreverent and beautifully written. Just know that his books may shock you and will stretch your comfort level, but in the end, will open your eyes and your heart to new kinds of people.  In today’s world, that’s a gift we should all receive.

An interview with John Irving as he discusses In One Person.